The bedraggled apparition of Inspector Columbo meets with AG Holder concerning the “Fast and Furious” operation recently discovered by most of us. The inspector has his favorite cigar along with the wrinkled trench coat that many of us grew to love. The setting is in the living room of AG Holder as he sleeps on his recliner.“Mr…I’m sorry Attorney General Holder, I just have a few questions about the operation…I think it’s called “Fast and Furious.” Thank you very much…can I call you Mr. Holder? Thank you, thank you. First, Mr. Holder, how did you name it that? Ok, I understand, it’s classified…”
“By the way, my wife really enjoyed your confirmation process. She said you really stood up to those politicians…Oh, please forgive me, I’ll I’ll get back to my questions.” Then Columbo spots an autographed A-Rod baseball on Holder’s mantle.
“Is this an original A-Rod autographed baseball?” Mr. Holder nods nervously as tells how he got it.” Columbo tosses the ball in the air as he turns towards Holder…one eye nearly closed.
“Is it true that over a thousand assault weapons were allowed to be sold to Mexicans and subsequently made their way into Mexico? “Holder nods as he takes a deep breath. “Oh really over 1,800, I’m sorry, as he scribbles notes on a tablet, you know I always want to get the facts straight…you too huh?”
Holder sits up in his chair and pushes aside a congressional subpoena, as he wipes his eyes wondering if this is a dream.
“Now Mr. Holder, I understand, you planned to track the guns using electronic tracking devices? Obviously the guns were not real because… Oh they were real!...Weeelll, weren’t you afraid they might be used to kill people?” Holder slowly shakes his head.” Columbo gazes at him, “You were!” nodding up and down, as he picks up the subpoena and begins to read it.
Holding his head with both hands, “Now let me get this straight, you allowed over 1,000 I’m sorry 1,800 guns were sold to heavens know who with the intention of tracking the guns with an electronic gizmo? Again, did anyone ever think that someone might be killed by one of these guns?”
“Well, I’m sure some renegade agent or lawyer in some government department authorized this ridiculous operation, right? You know, some young lawyer who couldn’t tell his…from a hole in the ground?”
As Holder fully wakes up, he smiles for the first time as he wonders who he could get to admit to coming up with this “Fast and Furious” idea.
Columbo looks at him, smiles and says, “Well then you don’t have a thing to worry about because these runaway workers sometimes get carried away… By the way, before the clock strikes midnight, you will be visited by a panel of three congressmen. Be sure to tell them about the lawyer who made this foolish mistake.”
Columbo smiles, winks and then disappears into a puff of his cigar smoke.
